My Story
Hi,
My name is
Lakshmi, I was born in Georgetown Guyana. Both my parents were poor, there’s
nothing to eat most of the time. Whenever my mom does cook she would run off
with my dad on his motorcycle and leave my brother with me alone home. My
brother eats all the food and give me raw rice to eat. I was always sick from
this happening a lot. Once so sick my dad said “it was a near death experience
because you vomit and struggle to breathe. We took you to the doctor and you
had worms, fever and there’s a lack of nutrition”. This happened 2years or
3years after I was born.
I forgot to mention something important: “my
brother and I are from 2different men. My dad is a poor man from the streets
and my brother’s dad is a rich man my Grandma liked as her grandson. My Grandma
did an arranged marriage for my mom at age 16.” My mom cheated on my brother’s
dad and got me (SURPRISE:-P) my dad was never home and when he does come home.
Both my parents would argue and my mom would always be the one left with a
physical scar. She suffered a few head injuries and a broken arm from all the
abuse I witness growing up. Although, my brother’s dad was an alcoholic he
never hit my mom.
My mom worked as a
maid and my dad was an adventurer he was as a fisherman and he loved fishing,
movies spending time at the beach, board games and park. He loved everything
outdoors and so did I. I was 7years old and I did a lot. I used to skip school
almost every day and never got caught. Animals and bugs was my best friends
when it comes to (playing) experimenting. Well, there was one time I got caught
by my dad.
Anyways, one day
my Dad never came home and cops came at my house looking for him. They kicked
down the door and searched everywhere. It turns out he was not only involved in
selling drugs but he was involved in a killing of a 9 year old child along with
his sidekick brother. They also robbed a jewelry store and they had a record.
Both my dad and his bro was on the run, they were in hiding. A few months later
my dad was in jail. My grandma vouch at the embassy for my mother to come to
New York City. My Grandma didn’t want my mom to suffer anymore abuse and she
wanted both my brother and I to come to New York and get a better life. (Education)
In the year 2003,
I made it to New York with my mom and brother. One month before going to the
Airport in Guyana. My Dad got out of jail to see his family leave. I remember
making a wish with him in a (wishing pond) near the Airport. I remember getting
on the plane and feeling empty. I felt as if I was leaving something behind or
I’ve lost something precious. I knew my life would never be the same again. A
few years in New York my mom was sleeping around with different men. In 4th
grade, my mom would sneak me out with her to attend midnight parties so I don’t
snitch to Grandma about her motherly figure towards me. I have witnessed my
mom’s life with many men and can’t tell a soul. She slaps, shouts and grabbed
my head and banged it 4times to the wall. She said “If you ever tell anybody
anything I will break this fucking skull open” she yanked my hair and dragged
me towards the bedroom door and choked me a few minutes and made me promise not
to tell anyone anything.
My grandma then
vouch in 2004 at the embassy for her son (Chris) with his wife and 2girls to
come to New York for a better life. Chris and my mom are brother and sister.
Chris would be my Uncle and his two daughters are my cousins. My grandma and my
Aunt would always shout at me to be more like my cousins. They complain about
how I dress and my interests are different. The way I dress is inappropriate
and my interests are not feminine. They blamed my father for my attitude and
everything that I know and feel describes me. They shouted and lectured me on
how wrong it is for me to play basketball, soccer and track. My younger cousin
about the same age as me grew up as a cheerleader in my country. Once we were
playing and she said “Grandma and the whole family will hate you if you keep
doing what you’re doing.” I knew I was not doing anything wrong. It didn’t feel
wrong it felt right to be interested in something I like and not what they
wanted me to be.
Then my Grandma
would start giving everyone chores to do. It turns out my brother never does
anything so I did his chores. My cousin would beg me to do her chores so I
foolishly accepted it. I always did their chores sweeping the kitchen, living
room, upstairs 3bedrooms and making all the beds then the dishes, vacuuming.
Window cleaning started being added to my list. Slowly they all start forcing
me to do everything. I was in summer school, 4th grade at this time and the
cleaning took up most of my time I didn’t get to do any homework. In the night
Grandma, Uncle and Aunt would come home from work and I had to lie and agree
with what my cousins tell them. Both my cousins and my brother claim they did
all the work when they never did anything. They all would nag and taunt me if I
confess anything that I’ve been doing their chores. My older cousin the girl
would beat me with the mop or broom if I don’t do the chores. While the other
2idiots laugh.
Later, my cousins
moved out with their parents. They bought a House downtown and it’s a one
family. Now, it’s me and my brother living with Grandma. Things got harder
because my Grandma said “Your brother is a man. Man don’t need to do a woman’s
job he needs to go to College and get an education. You’re in Elementary School
and you need to learn to be a good housewife so stop dressing and acting like
you do. Go fetch those bricks from the backyard and place it in the front yard.
Take this shovel and prepare the backyard so I can plant in my garden. Full
buckets of water for me and vacuum the steps, sweep the rooms, wipe the
windows.” I spent my time cleaning and I’m starting to miss my cousins being
here. I felt like a slave my hands would get blisters and it’s hard to write in
class. I don’t get to watch T.V anymore only clean, clean and more cleaning. I
would cry myself to bed thinking “why didn’t my dad call?” “Where is my mom?”
“Why did my Uncle and Aunt refuse me when I ask to live with them? “A thousands
questions would race my mind, I became more curious. I need answers. I start
asking questions and my Uncle and Grandma said “People who ask questions will
never get anywhere in life, stop asking questions, stop being curious, your
cousins are not like you, you need to be more like them.” That day I packed all
my things in a bedsheet duct tape around it, tightly, like a garbage and called
my mom. There was a big argument over who’s keeping me. While they were arguing
I sat on the steps eavesdropping. My mom shouted “I can’t keep her, she’s too
much of a handful” while my grandma says “I didn’t make her you did, it’s your
daughter not mines, she put a glass in the microwave and almost blow up my
microwave.” While sittin on the steps I had a notebook and a pen I used as a
diary. I wrote down everything I hear and see because I can’t speak my
observations and be a snitch. Or else I will suffer the consequences. My mom
then cave in and she decided to take me to live with her new boyfriend.
In 4th
grade because my mom’s new boyfriend took her to Canada and she pulled my hair,
slap me multiple times to forget school and go with her to Canada and parties.
I skipped school during finals week. (That’s not even the best part) When I got
back from Canada my Grandma, Aunt and Uncle ganged up on me to confess
everything my mom’s been doing and who is this guy she is with now? Where did
your mom go?” all these questions they were asking is all about my mom.” There
was so much shouting and screaming going on within these adults. I didn’t know
how to react. I just stand there like a crying puppet. There wasn’t a single
question asking me how I was doing? How I feel about my mom or best question
yet. WHY DID I GO WITH MY MOM? I couldn’t tell my teachers in school or my
Grandma or anyone in the family where I was because I was afraid of losing my
mom. She was the only parent I knew besides my dad whom I spent most of my time
with in Guyana. I kept all her secrets and got to travel and bounce around from
house to house. Trust me it was not fun as it sounds in this story. I got
blamed for going with my mom and beaten by my Grandma and still didn’t tell a
soul.
At age 15 my mom
kicked me out of her house because her new boyfriend didn’t like me because I
was not his daughter. This boyfriend was an alcoholic and he would drink and
verbally start frights with my mom about me being in his presence. He hated me
for being a string or a rat that follows my mom around. I was not his child, I
was no blood to him and he complained about me being a reminder to him of his
2girls he abandon from his ex-wife. So I got beaten by my mom and kicked out at
age 14years old. I didn’t have no shoes on so I slept on the steps outside the
house in the snow. She allowed me in the house, after he passes out from
drinking. My skin would have red rashes that burns from the beating and turn
black later on. The second time I got kicked out was for over eating. According
to him I ate too much, watch childish shows and plays too much at age 15. He
shouted at my mom to find me a job. He shouted at her to place padlocks on the
fridge and kitchen doors to avoid me getting access to eat. A few months before
turning 16 I began drinking, smoking and cutting myself everything escalated
quickly and I skipped classes in High School. But any who, there’s so much more
to this story… after High School.
FLASHBACK:
My grandma took care of my brother his whole
life, he later got a girl pregnant didn’t finish college and physically abuse
Grandma and his wife. My Grandma never liked me because I looked like my Dad.
She said “You would grow up and become a thief or get involved in drugs just
like your father” I was casted out from the family in New York. I have my
father’s last name. I am the only bloodline from his side of the family who
made it to New York City. Only my mom’s side of her family is in NYC and they
all have a different last name from me. They said “You have the last name of a nobody”
Since then I think about free will when it
comes to taking risks and if I can live with the consequences. In the year 2015
August, I decided to travel to Guyana and visit my father. I have not seen him
over 10years, I was 8years old when he last saw me.
ABOUT ME:
I enjoy anything
with a party beat. I am in love with music, food and so much things outside my
culture. I wear anything as long it looks great. I dress as I feel.
Sophistication is a weakness of mines when it comes to my hypersensitivity. I
get overly excited and I am extremely easy to get along with. The thing I value
the most is honestly, loyalty, risk and faith. My Grandma is Hindu and my
cousin is Christian. Growing up with my
parents separated I have struggled with finding my own identity and who I am. I
know who I am NOW and it’s all Thanks to my Dad. He does not live the life
anymore described above. He has a new family and kids and I keep in contact
with him. He helped me understand myself better than anyone. I know who I am
now and I know that when I meet people and get influence negatively. I can
always remember who I am and there’s no one who can take that away. “ONECE YOU
FIND YOURSELF YOU WON’T HAVE THE NEED TO SEEK APPROVEL FROM OTHERS”
I am not very religious but I support both
religions equally. I grew up attending both Hindu and Christian Church. I
practice a few religious things like praying, and keeping a bible and
celebrating the holidays. I honestly, do not practice all the Religious beliefs.
I am not perfect nor, is my life. I just have many different interests and an
enormous curiosity and love for philosophy. I am currently attending college to
finish up my 2year associates degree in Liberal Arts and then transfer to a
4year college to study Vet Tech. As it has always been my goal to work with
animals. I can’t and will never see myself doing anything other than helping
animals. I love learning everything bad and everything good. I am a Libra. I am
always misjudged by my family because of my way of life. Now, I won’t have to
carry this story on my own. Although, it will always be with me. There is 3/4
major regrettable experience that I did not mention. It was taken out
intentionally.
